


Late Nights

by Lady_Eris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29145378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Eris/pseuds/Lady_Eris
Summary: your progressing relationship with jean told through nights you spend together from marco’s death to the attack on marley. all of the ups and downs of life.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Reader
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

It was done. Eren had moved the boulder, he’d used this new titan power he had to do it. You didn’t understand how it was possible but… he’d saved Wall Rose. Thousands of people owed him their lives. If it weren’t for him, it would have been another Shiganshina. You’d been there for that, you’d seen the colossal titan look over the wall and lost your family to the armored titan. The fact that Trost was saved, you should have been happy. But you’d lost so many people, so many friends had died because of this, the colossal titan stole so many lives again. Thomas, Mina, Franz and Hannah… they’d died after the initial breach. You’d foolishly thought that maybe after that you were done losing people you cared about. Of course that hadn’t happened. 

When you finished your designated part of clean up you went to find the other cadets, check in with them and make sure everyone was okay. You’d found Sasha and Connie together and were almost excited to see them when you noticed the looks on their faces. Marco was dead. That’s what they’d told you. Marco was dead and Jean had been the one to find his body. You wanted to cry but you tears never came. You hadn’t really cried much since the deaths of your mother and sisters, for days you’d done nothing but cry but when it stopped it didn’t seem to happen again. Even after losing more people you cared about those tears never came. 

You’d been close to Marco, he was one of the three people you’d say you were closest too along with Jean, Connie and Sasha. But to Jean he was his best friend. If you’d lost Sasha you would be a mess and you already knew the pain of losing people you loved. Jean had seen his home district rampaged by titans and had other cadets he knew die. But this big of a loss you knew him well enough to know that he’d never faced anything like this. 

Sasha and Connie hadn’t seen him since they found out about Marco. The three of you tried asking around but everyone was so busy with cleaning up and still trying to name the dead that no one could tell you about where he went. The sun was falling by then, people were getting ready to burn the bodies, or the parts of the bodies they could find. It was almost too much for you to watch as they carried the broken bodies and limbs. 

Taking your chance to get away from the scene you ducked past a few buildings to try to get away from everything and catch your breath. Putting your hands on your knees you worked to catch your breath. Closing your eyes you hoped to get the image of the dead bodies out of your mind, the ones from now and the ones from years ago. When you saw them you were able to block it out, trying to help clean and name the bodies gave you a purpose. But when that was over and you were left with nothing to do and they carried the bodies your mind pulled you back to Shiganshina and watching those people be hurt and eaten. The way your sisters body had laid broken and destroyed and the… mess that your mother had been left in. 

You’d wanted to join the scouts to honor them, to honor your father’s sacrifice and to help make sure no one else had to suffer like you did. But that would mean nothing but more death. More pain. Could you actually handle that? Death would follow you everywhere as a Scout and you didn’t know if any of your friends would even join. There was a chance you’d be alone, they could all join the military police. The only ones you knew wanted to join the scouts too were Eren, Mikasa and Armin. 

Looking up from the street you finally noticed you weren’t alone, Jean was standing a few feet away from you leaning against the wall silently. You’d never really seen him like this, the blank expression and limpness of his body as he leaned there. Messing with one of the straps on your legs you considered just leaving, letting him have his time alone. Sometimes you had to process things by yourself, you knew that. Him turning to look at you made you change your mind. 

“Hey.” Your voice was quiet as you walked towards him. Jean nodded in response but didn’t say anything when you stopped near him. “How long have you been out here?” Eventually this place would be full of people again even at this time of night. As soon as the cleanup efforts were done the civilians would come back and resume living. They were lucky. 

Your companion was silent for a few more minutes, almost to the point where you thought he wasn’t going to reply. He just kept staring at the house in front of him. Clearing his throat he finally tore his eyes away again. “A while.” Jean looked back at the house, “I just wanted to make sure it was still standing.”

Raising an eyebrow you looked at the house he was staring at for a few seconds before it clicked. “This is your house.” The way he was staring at it made sense now. You hadn’t even thought about that, you knew he was from Trost but the idea that his home could have been destroyed didn’t actually hit you until now. Your home was gone, you’d lost everything and it made sense that he wanted to see. “Do you want to go in?” 

Jean looked back over at you and shook his head, “No. It’s still here. She’s still here, I don’t need to go in.” The weird relationship Jean had with his mother wasn’t something you really understood. You remember how guilty he’d looked when he was confronted about not appreciating that he had a mother. He’d looked at you after and had quickly made an exit before you could say anything back then. 

But you were thankful that he did have his mother. Especially after finding out Marco was gone, how he’d react if his mother had died too… you didn’t know if he could take it. “I’m glad you heard from her. I wasn’t sure how long it would take for people to start getting word from their families.” Eventually the officers would have to start sending word of their own to families of the fallen soldiers. You didn’t envy any of them. 

Pushing himself off the wall Jean nodded, “Yeah this morning some of us were told.” He wasn’t looking at the house but he wasn’t looking at you either. His eyes looked far away, what he was even thinking you’d never claim to know. “Thomas’ family survived too.” 

Your eyes fell to the pavement, you’d been there when Armin told you that he’d died along with Mina. That had been upsetting, you didn’t want to lose anyone, none of you did. But losing Marco was so much worse. You didn’t know what to say to make him feel better, if there was anything you really could say. You could tell him that you understood what he was feeling, that things would eventually be okay. But you didn’t think he wanted to hear that, you weren’t sure he wanted to hear anything actually. After Wall Maria fell you’d seen some people want to talk and others just wanted to be left alone. You’d been the latter. 

He didn’t ask for anything, he wasn’t acting like he wanted you to say anything about it. You’d tried to offer going into his house and he didn’t want to do that. “We should probably head back. They’ll start the fires soon.” He started to walk off but stopped when he realized you weren’t following him. When he looked back at you he waved you forward and waited until you were at his side to continue walking. 

Anytime you started to fall behind him he’d stop, waiting until you were next to him, your arm brushing his for him to keep going. A hint of a smile came to your face, this was how he wanted comfort. Someone next to him, the contact even if it was just for a few seconds he needed that. As long as you could help him you felt better. Maybe taking away some of his pain could help take away some of yours.


	2. Chapter 2

Since joining the Scouts nothing had gone right, it was a constant string of death and destruction. You’d known that though, you knew what the Scouts were. Commander Erwin didn’t hold anything back when he told you all what you would be facing. Even before that you knew the pain of the Scouts. Your father had been one and he’d died. So you knew it could be hell. But your first actual mission being against the female titan, against Annie, that wasn’t something you could have ever expected. 

After the battle Annie had gone into some crystal and you lost her, the whole battle and loss of life was basically useless. There were positives in the situation, the Female Titan was under lock but it wasn’t enough for the MP’s. They were angry at Commander Erwin and to a point you understood, but no one but the Scouts seemed to understand the severity of what she was, what she’d done. How they were so detached from everything you couldn’t understand. There were talks happening now but what those were you weren’t privy to. 

The best way you knew to take out your frustration was to train. Mikasa had agreed to help you with some hand-to-hand training and since Eren was meeting with Commander Erwin right now she didn’t have anything else to do. Of course she was winning, you knew she would when you asked but it was good training. Mostly just dodging and working on endurance for you. 

Putting your hands on your knees you caught your breath as Mikasa rubbed her shoulder, “Okay. I think I’m going to give.” You were laughing but your lungs had a slight burn to them. There was always such a difference in training in the field and training like this. “Next time I’m asking Sasha, maybe she’ll pull punches.” You laughed. 

A small smile was on Mikasa’s face when you stood up, “You would have been angry if I’d have done that.” She was right, “We’ve been at it for over an hour. I should see if Eren is back.” She was right about the time, you hadn’t realized it until you noticed the sun was setting. 

She grabbed her shirt and pulled it back on, you’d both have to shower later but right now she was more interested in finding Eren and Armin. Sasha and Connie were heading out tomorrow so they were already sleeping, so you’d probably just head to the shower. Taking the towel she offered you, you wrapped it around your shoulders. It was your idea to train so you’d make sure everything was cleaned up, you couldn’t imagine how angry Captain Levi would be if he found out you guys made a mess and left it. 

When the door opened you both turned around and saw Jean was standing in the doorway. He looked at you for a second before his eyes quickly went to Mikasa. You felt a sting when he looked at her. For a long time you tried to deny the fact that you did like him, he’d liked Mikasa since the first day he saw her and that didn’t really leave any room for your feelings. You respected that, if he didn’t think of you like that it was fine. Jean was still one of your best friends and so was Mikasa. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when it was so clearly in front of you that you weren’t the one he wanted. 

Forcing yourself to look away from him when Mikasa walked out you focused on trying to clean up what mess you guys had made. It wasn’t much, but things were out of order and that would cause issues. Focusing on something for a few minutes would help you get over the moment of jealousy. You felt bad about it, Mikasa hadn’t done anything, honestly you were surprised more people weren’t tripping over themselves to be near her. Still there were a few times you just wished you could be in her shoes, like when Jean forgot what he was saying because she walked into a room. 

Before you finished you let out a huff realizing he was just standing there. “Did you need something?” You hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, you cursed yourself for not waiting until you were sure you had the jealous part of your brain shut off. Jean still had a pink tinge to his cheeks when you looked at him and for a moment he looked confused. “Jean?” 

“Oh. Yeah, I just uh...” He cleared his throat rubbing the back of his neck, he was still blushing. “I just wanted to check on you. I know you got thrown by Ann- the Female Titan.” So he couldn’t call her by her name either. “I didn’t think you were supposed to be exerting yourself this soon.” 

The nasty bruise you’d gotten on your back from the fight with her titan had not gone away, it still looked bad. But the sharp pain down your spine wasn’t really bothering you anymore and you had to do something. You were a soldier, you couldn’t let bruising stop you from training. She’d not killed you or paralyzed you so you were better than half the people that came in contact with her in a fight. You could handle being sore. You couldn’t survive if you got too soft. 

Before you could pick up the training mat you and Mikasa had been using Jean was there picking it up instead. “I’m fine, just sore still.” He was opening his mouth to say something but you were faster. “Besides, Mikasa took it easy on me so there isn’t any real chance I could have hurt myself anyway.” 

It did feel good that he was worried, even if it was because you were his friend, it still was nice to know that he did care so much. You could imagine if it had been Sasha or Connie he would have yelled at them, called them idiots but with you, he didn’t. He’d been a little different towards you since you stood at his house together. He was still loud and sometimes obnoxious, but there were times when he let himself be quiet and just… exist around you. You still didn’t know exactly how to comfort him but just being around someone seemed to help him usually. 

“Yeah well.” Jean put the mat up before looking back at you for a second. His eyes darted away again, looking for something.“You shouldn’t take the risk if you don’t need to.” When he finally found what he was looking for he crossed the room and picked it up, holding it out to you, still not looking. 

Your shirt. That was why he wasn’t looking at you, and why he’d been blushing when Mikasa left the room. He’d been checking her out even if she was just dressed for training. Taking it from him you muttered a thanks before turning around. Mostly trying to keep him from seeing the annoyance that was on your face again. The sooner you could get in the shower and ignore everything that had happened these few weeks and pretend these last few minutes didn’t really happen. 

Before you could button the shirt Jean grabbed the collar pulling it down. “Shit…” you froze for a second, did it really look that bad? You could only see parts of your back in the mirror. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming.” He was good at blaming himself, “You should ice it again.” 

Looking over your shoulder you could see a blotch of deep purple on your shoulder, that part wasn’t really healing yet. “It still looks bad?” He gave a small huff when your eyes met. Basically telling you that was a stupid question. “It looks worse than it is. I promise.” Maybe that would make him feel a little better.

His fingers ghosted over your shoulder blade where it probably looked the worst. His fingers slowly trailed towards your spine, you knew he was just looking at your injury but you couldn’t help but close your eyes at his touch. He couldn’t see your face thankfully, you didn’t want him to see the change in your expression as you reveled in his touch, even if it was just the faintest of touches. Before this you didn’t realize how much you really craved touch, maybe it was just his touch?

Goose bumps rose over your skin when his fingers slid down your spine and you turned around again. Your eyes locked and for a moment you thought he was going to say something, he opened his mouth but closed it quickly and let his hand fall and stepped back. You felt your own face heat up when he stepped back and you realized you were basically standing in front of him half dressed. 

“Just… be careful okay? What would you have done if you’d have been hurt worse? We need you.” He looked away from you as you buttoned your shirt. “And make sure you sleep soon, you look exhausted.” 

A laugh bubbled up out of your chest and he turned sharply. “Yes sir” When you gave him a half attempted salute he rolled his eyes and started walking away from you. “It was funny Jean.” The laughter had hurt your chest though and he wasn’t wrong about you being tired. “You should sleep too, Connie will probably try to wake you up in the morning when he leaves. I know Sasha will wake me up.”

You both knew you were right, they’d never leave without saying anything to both Jean and yourself. He waved and muttered a goodnight before you stepped into your dorm to grab a change of clothes for the shower. Jean already gone when you came back out.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this fic is something you guys enjoy and if you do let me know I'm very excited about this fic. you can also find it on wattpad and tumblr both as jeankirsteins!


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